Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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