Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
