that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I love you. Go after that dick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
