I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
