Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
