Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
