He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
