i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Acid is not a monday night drug
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
