Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
