She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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