she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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