It's a beautiful day for a hangover
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
