ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
