Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
tell me about the eggs
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