Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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