Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
