my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
