me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
