it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
