just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My bed smells like the plague
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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