did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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