How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
