At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
