This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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