Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
