And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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