He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
