I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can text with my tongue
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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