You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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