You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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