tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
