My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
