john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
