you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the day after is always just damage control
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
