She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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