i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
