Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
