Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
