I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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