walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
