I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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