My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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