And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
