Well douche your snatch and let's go!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
