he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
