Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
