Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
