I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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