I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
