New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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