Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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