Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
