Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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