Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
