We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
