If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
