I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Green mimosas i think yes
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize