wrigley field is MILF paradise
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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