FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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