P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
